Mysterious mattress court case coming clearer
Dan Whelan
Issue date: 10/9/08 Section: Off the Wall
On Friday, Oct. 10, Wausau, Wis., will hear the first lawsuit case between a man and his bed mattress. The case is not only making state history, but national history as well. The U.S. has only had three previous furniture cases since 1776, and all three cases were dismissed due to purjury as well as lack of ability to extract testimony from the three pieces of furniture, respectively.
"There's only so much that this mattress can get away with before man must stand up and just say 'no' to that inanimate object," said Fred Majo, lead prosecutor of Harold Gerard's legal team. "All my client was looking for was a good night's sleep, but, instead, he is put on the receiving end of all of this bulk. My team representing Mr. Gerard will not let this man down."
The defendant's legal team chose the location of Wausau's courthouse in an effort to distance the jury from both the plaintiff and defendant. Both legal teams agreed that a Green Bay jury would have difficulty remaining objective, either toward Gerard or his bed.
"Originally, we, as in my team, believed that staying in Green Bay would only strengthen our case," said Jack Paulson, lead defense of Gerard's bed's legal team. "There is a strong population of bed supporters in Green Bay, but, we realized that even if the court favored us, treatment and sentencing would not be as balanced as it would be in Wausau.
"Even if we won, my client would still be expected to pay a fine in Green Bay," Paulson said. "In Wausau, furniture laws are a little more lenient, and my client could be shipped back home free of charge."
With the case so unique and full of gray-area legal issues, the nearest judge to volunteer to oversee the proceedings is from Madison. Judge Lorenzo James has stepped forward to ensure all legal rights are granted to the bed, as well as its owner.
"This bed will be judged by 12 of its owner's peers, but by none of its own," said James. "This could become a legal case to be cited for ages. I don't see myself as the man who will dole out verdicts, but to take another step forward to equal rights for all."
"There's only so much that this mattress can get away with before man must stand up and just say 'no' to that inanimate object," said Fred Majo, lead prosecutor of Harold Gerard's legal team. "All my client was looking for was a good night's sleep, but, instead, he is put on the receiving end of all of this bulk. My team representing Mr. Gerard will not let this man down."
The defendant's legal team chose the location of Wausau's courthouse in an effort to distance the jury from both the plaintiff and defendant. Both legal teams agreed that a Green Bay jury would have difficulty remaining objective, either toward Gerard or his bed.
"Originally, we, as in my team, believed that staying in Green Bay would only strengthen our case," said Jack Paulson, lead defense of Gerard's bed's legal team. "There is a strong population of bed supporters in Green Bay, but, we realized that even if the court favored us, treatment and sentencing would not be as balanced as it would be in Wausau.
"Even if we won, my client would still be expected to pay a fine in Green Bay," Paulson said. "In Wausau, furniture laws are a little more lenient, and my client could be shipped back home free of charge."
With the case so unique and full of gray-area legal issues, the nearest judge to volunteer to oversee the proceedings is from Madison. Judge Lorenzo James has stepped forward to ensure all legal rights are granted to the bed, as well as its owner.
"This bed will be judged by 12 of its owner's peers, but by none of its own," said James. "This could become a legal case to be cited for ages. I don't see myself as the man who will dole out verdicts, but to take another step forward to equal rights for all."
Viewing Comments 1 - 1 of 1
wtf???
posted 10/22/08 @ 2:21 PM CST
Lol, I think somebody is way too premature as April's Fools day is a long ways away...
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