News Briefs
Issue date: 3/27/08 Section: Fourth Mistake
Man wins Powerball jackpot, spends it on scratch offs
Green Bay resident Matt Becker struck gold with his lucky Powerball ticket. Becker, who won the $150 million jackpot, has plans for his lump sum of cash.
"I already called the Wisconsin Lottery office and they are more than willing to comply with my request of 150-million one-dollar scratch offs," Becker said.
A recent study concluded that many lottery winners run out of money after a few years of excessive spending.
Becker has other plans.
"I plan on scratching off enough tickets each day until I win $100, then I will use that money to rue the day," said Becker.
When asked about donating the money to charity or at least setting up a savings account, Becker got angry and threw a chair.
"Scratch offs are fun. For me it's like pleasing six ladies at once. Back off man!"
Dancing ruled not a sport
The official committee of All Things Sports voted in a unanimous decision that dancing is not a sport.
"Although it will be an Olympic event this summer, we still feel that even NASCAR drivers have a more difficult time performing," said Seamus O'Toole, the Irish spokesman from the official committee of All Things Sports.
Up-tight dancers from around the globe are up in legs about the committees ruling.
"It is so too a sport," said Carlie Kappl, UW-Green Bay's famous dancer.
"I mean, one time I, like, rolled an ankle and it really hurt and I couldn't, like, dance for three hours. So I sat down and watched 'Real World' and ate ice cream."
Although the committee's ruling will have absolutely no real impact on the quasi-sport they are sticking by their claim.
"Us Irish are never wrong, expect for that Bono fruit. Interestingly enough, we also ruled to officially ban him from the country," O'Toole said.
Adult film convention to be held at KEC
The adult film industry will be honoring its leading actors at the national convention, which will be held at the Kress Events Center next Saturday.
"We just wanted to get down to the dirtiest place and position possible," said Urre Mome, the adult film industry's leading producer.
"Nothing is more down and dirty than the industrial hub that is known as Green Bay. The city also has more adult book stores per capita than anywhere else on the planet," Mome said.
Many students are rejoicing with the arrival of the event, including self described chronic self-pleasurer Derek Warrington.
"This is very exciting," Warrington said. "My favorite DVD 'Large and in Charge XXIV' recently stopped working, due to excessive play, so now I can get a new copy and have it autographed."
Tickets will be available at the UTIC. The cost is $5 for non-students and free for students with a valid ID.
Green Bay resident Matt Becker struck gold with his lucky Powerball ticket. Becker, who won the $150 million jackpot, has plans for his lump sum of cash.
"I already called the Wisconsin Lottery office and they are more than willing to comply with my request of 150-million one-dollar scratch offs," Becker said.
A recent study concluded that many lottery winners run out of money after a few years of excessive spending.
Becker has other plans.
"I plan on scratching off enough tickets each day until I win $100, then I will use that money to rue the day," said Becker.
When asked about donating the money to charity or at least setting up a savings account, Becker got angry and threw a chair.
"Scratch offs are fun. For me it's like pleasing six ladies at once. Back off man!"
Dancing ruled not a sport
The official committee of All Things Sports voted in a unanimous decision that dancing is not a sport.
"Although it will be an Olympic event this summer, we still feel that even NASCAR drivers have a more difficult time performing," said Seamus O'Toole, the Irish spokesman from the official committee of All Things Sports.
Up-tight dancers from around the globe are up in legs about the committees ruling.
"It is so too a sport," said Carlie Kappl, UW-Green Bay's famous dancer.
"I mean, one time I, like, rolled an ankle and it really hurt and I couldn't, like, dance for three hours. So I sat down and watched 'Real World' and ate ice cream."
Although the committee's ruling will have absolutely no real impact on the quasi-sport they are sticking by their claim.
"Us Irish are never wrong, expect for that Bono fruit. Interestingly enough, we also ruled to officially ban him from the country," O'Toole said.
Adult film convention to be held at KEC
The adult film industry will be honoring its leading actors at the national convention, which will be held at the Kress Events Center next Saturday.
"We just wanted to get down to the dirtiest place and position possible," said Urre Mome, the adult film industry's leading producer.
"Nothing is more down and dirty than the industrial hub that is known as Green Bay. The city also has more adult book stores per capita than anywhere else on the planet," Mome said.
Many students are rejoicing with the arrival of the event, including self described chronic self-pleasurer Derek Warrington.
"This is very exciting," Warrington said. "My favorite DVD 'Large and in Charge XXIV' recently stopped working, due to excessive play, so now I can get a new copy and have it autographed."
Tickets will be available at the UTIC. The cost is $5 for non-students and free for students with a valid ID.
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